Purging Negativity and Creating Space For Your Authentic Self

Your life experiences truly have an unfortunate way of shunting off who you truly are. If you’re not careful, they can change who you are for years to come.

For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from not wanting to be my full authentic self. I remember being told that I acted like a girl when I was younger, that I was fat and had titties (still do), and that I was too arrogant and needed to check myself just for advocating for myself to the people that looked to keep me in a box.

I remember the trauma that I felt as kid hearing these types of things over and over. Well guess what...the trauma never left.

That’s right, trauma can sit in your being until you begin the process of releasing/purging it. When I began high school, what my family and friends saw as me starting to voice my concerns and be vibrant everywhere I go was the beginning of my journey to true freedom.

I can recall having an argument with a family member over my sexuality. I was forced to say that I would stop liking boys just so that I could keep my social outlets. Mind you, I was a sheltered child that was truly a people person.

Imagine a queer boy, looking to find himself, finally finds a place where he can hold space for his fullness only to be snatched from the one thing that helps him feel free.

Talk about traumatic.

From that day on I held resentment for that family member, and the one that betrayed my trust and told the individual my truth before I even had the opportunity to was basically deleted from my life. These types of situations have happened more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. I have had to eat every single one them and carry the weight of them with me throughout my life.

That can truly stifle how you show up in life.

It is unfortunate the demand that can be placed upon a person that is just trying to exist in their fullness. People like to be made comfortable when it comes to others. And if they are not catered to so that they feel comfortable, they will make friction until they make themselves comfortable.

You never know how what you say and do impacts a person on the inside. Judgments, damaging words, and negative opinions all make negative impacts on a person’s self-esteem. Coupled with abandonment, abuse, or mental illness and you have a bomb of depression and anxiety waiting to explode.

High school was the last straw for me. I set out on a journey to become more different than anyone in my family had ever been for me. This is where the most challenging work truly began.

I remember being told that I was loved, but when I truly needed a specific form of love or support no one could be found to give it. I began to feel as if I was being punished for who I was inside and out. There was no choice that I could make for me that truly benefited what I wanted to express in my life.

Partner that with a religion that forced me to be someone that I am not just so the terrible things that could happen to me in eternity, wouldn’t. And what do you get? A messed up little guy that feels like he is hell and will die to go to an even worse hell.

That’s torture!

At that time I decided that I would do what I needed to free myself from bondage. I enrolled in school and left home, grinded my way through college, started a new spiritual journey, and began the process of purging my blocks and healing every emotional wound that was created from trauma and abandonment.

People often don’t realize that they can be present in your life, but absent when it comes to what you truly need. If you show up, but you only choose to show up how YOU want when someone else needs you to show up for them in a particular way, it can leave them feeling as though you are not on their side. That leaves a hole in your being.

So I took the wheel of my life and chose to find a space that I could call home and really feel comfortable in my self and in my space. When I realized that I couldn’t just “find” it, I decided to create it for myself. I started seeing a therapist, purged myself of religious systems and began to read up on the roots of spirituality so that I could become whole.

I’ll tell you that it’s not an easy journey. It makes you feel EVERY bit of pain, hurt, sadness, and suffering that you‘d every experienced. However, the relief that you feel once the energy has cleared...the confidence you obtain is what helps you see, with clarity, that you are enough and that you can create a safe space for yourself that is full of unconditional love.

I still struggle with showing up as my authentic self at times. I constantly hear that voice saying, “you’re being too much, you’re doing too much, or you’re arrogant.” The difference between now and back in my youth is that I have done the work to know that I am enough. So, even when I feel like I can’t do the most, I show up when I want to.

Now it’s a matter of putting down the veil that hides my authentic self and sharing myself to the world and trusting that everything will be phenomenal because I have the knowing that...

I AM ENOUGH!

Moral of the story:

It takes work to build confidence in who you TRULY are. Trauma and pain stays on the inside of you until you make up in your mind that it will no longer hold you captive. Your strength comes from purging those negative thoughts, words, people and circumstances that keep you from being your authentic self.

You are enough!

Your beauty does not come from who you think that you have to be for other people and situations. Your beauty comes from YOU being YOU the way YOU see fit in a way that is in alignment with your highest possible good.

Allow yourself to move out of your own way by releasing the blocks that hold you captive. From there, let your living waters run free.

You’ll thank me when it hits✨🖤✨